Saturday July 14, 2018

Lagoon Amusement

Becca vs. The Cannibal (The Worlds Scariest Ride)




My view from the parking lot

I did it...I - DID - IT!!! I stood in line, shaking in my sandals, channeling my Lamaze breathing while trying to stay calm. I closed my eyes took a deep cleansing breath and slowly opened them when I heard a car pull up to our section. As soon as I got a clear view of what the ride car looked like up close I FREAKED! I looked at Bob and whispered, “Where is the chest harness?” He said, “Babe, it’s a lap harness – it’s better, SAFER than a chest harness.” NOPE, I can’t do this – not without a chest harness!!! Where do I put my fucking hands? What do I hold on to? NOPE NOPE, time for me to escape! As I was about to turn around and nervously take the walk of shame back down the windy path to the entrance Bob grabbed my arm and pulled me into the car with him. “I can't do this; I CANNOT DO THIS, THIS DEATH TRAP DOES NOT COME EQUIPPED WITH A CHEST HARNESS!” Oh God, let me out, I have to get out, I’m surely going to die. Oh NO, why is it moving! FUCK, are we in the front row? WE ARE IN THE FRONT ROW! I HEAR LAUGHING, who’s laughing, I’m so terrified, I’m tearing up, THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES, HEEELLLOOO can anyone see the tears in my eyes – I need to get off, oh God get me off of here!  I can’t turn my head…PLEASE Jesus GET ME OFF!!! I feel a hand wrap around mine, it’s dark, I turn my hand and grip his – “Bob” I try to whisper but can’t seem to get his name out…it’s dark. SHIT what was that, I can’t see, are we moving up, are we on an elevator – oh God…please watch over me and allow me to land safely…why is the car coming to a stop? I peek through the slits in my eyes; I open them a little wider. WTF is that curtain in front of us ? OH SHIT – it’s lifting THE CURTAIN IS LIFING. I can’t let go of Bob’s hand…he whispers…no that’s not a whisper, he’s yelling…”Look Babe, it’s going to be okay, open your eyes – raise your hands above your head!” Who is this man? He is high he MUST be if he thinks for one moment I’m going to raise my arms or open my…FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK OH GOD, OH GOD, PLEASE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Who’s screaming, is that me, Lord I sound as if I’m being mauled by a bear, I can’t stop, I’m surly going to fall out of this thing! UH! WAIT…are we done? Is the ride over, can I open my eyes? Why am I shaking, I can’t breathe. Why is this psycho man sitting beside me laughing, I want to get out of that car...let me out, why isn’t the lap band opening! As soon as I was free, I started laughing, a nervous laugh but a laugh nonetheless - I TOTALLY ROCKED IT, well in a terrified I'm going to die way, but rocked it nonetheless! Bob wrapped his spaghetti arms around me and said, “YOU rocked it Babe…wanna go again!” I turned around while replying, “NO, NOPE, NUNCA!"